11:57 am Old lady judges watch people in pairs; limited in sex, they dare, to tell fake morals, insult and stare; while money doesn't talk, it swears. Obscenity, who really cares; propaganda, all is phony.
My eyes collide head-on with stuffed graveyards, false gods, I scuff at pettiness which plays so rough -- walk upside-down inside handcuffs, kick my legs to crash it off, say, "Ok, I have had enough -- what else can you show me?"
And if my thought-dreams could be seen, they'd probably put my head in a guillotine. But it's alright, Ma, it's life, and life only.
03:48 pm - frustration so I've realized after 3 1/2 years of college that a.) I'm not graduating on time b.) I hate what I'm doing and c.) I have absolutely no idea what the hell I actually want to do! this entire prospect makes me a tad bit miserable as without some kind of ball park idea of what I may like to do I'm basically treading water and getting nothing done. and as a result doing NOTHING with my life. hm that really is an incredibly crappy thing to realize about your life. I would really love some kind of realistic idea of some kind of direction I should head in but really I feel such lack of passion for life in general lately that trying to steer myself in any type of direction feels impossible
04:39 pm so I've decided I'm really good at avoidance. Not that this comes as a surprise to anyone (or me really) but it's all most the last week of August and I have no idea what I'm doing for school in two weeks. I also have no idea what I'm doing with my life in general either at this point, but I figure one thing at a time. However I did get my promotion for next summer and get to design an entire swim lessons program so that's pretty neat. anyway, just checking in and letting people I'm still alive!
01:33 pm - oh total frustration so I've finally reached summertime on the Cape... and as hold true with any pattern of my life I've been thrown out of my house... yet again. Although right at this moment it's not official. I'm transferring out of UMB for a little while. I'm tired of struggling with the same class for no apparent reason and the entire having 5 friends total because everyone is antisocial just so is not my scene. I have so much going on this summer - going to bonnaroo! so psyched. My cousin Liv and Alex are both getting married (weird it means I'm getting old). Kat & I have started walking it makes me laugh as we're quitting smoking and that's how we solved how we could handle it. walking. hopefully this works b/c I'm soon to be too broke to buy them! oh well this is enough rambling for now
So I'm procrastinating, surprise surprise. I really don't know how we college students actually make it through getting work done with all the crap we have to distract ourselves. facebook, myspace, lj, and now youtube! its a wonder really. but it's okay in a way b/c I'm obsessed with these things that I use to keep myself from doing work. Christ I hate school
01:45 pm I love election day, love love love. and I love that the Democrats finally were able to sucessfully get back into power. AND I love even more that although Montana and Virginia went to a recount both Dems were in the lead when that occured, and even in closer recounts the difference has only been 30 or so votes so chances are we're still going to win. Which ultimately means we'll control the house AND THE SENATE. yeah I didn't sleep much last night, I got hooked on the MSNBC and CNN election coverage and couldn't stop watching it. What can I say? I really enjoy poliitics, but it kind of upsets me when people either don't follow the issues, refuse to vote, and think that nothing they can do is worth it. In Virginia (which is totally the closer races between the two recounts) it's coming down to 6,000 votes. What if those 6,000 people decided that their votes didn't matter and politics was stupid? then we'd be in a position of 50/50 in the Senate and it'd be extremely difficult for anything to get done! i mean as it stands now Liberman does vote occassionally with the republicans, but the guy from VT has had our back for quite some time now. I'm really interested to see what happens in the next month as the republican party will try to pass some crazy shit before they get booted out of office. and i'm even more interested to see if Nancy there (woooo hoooo for first woman speaker of the house, how kick ass is that? and now if bush and Cheney get knocked off we'll have the first female president who is also a democrat!) holds her word on not impeaching bush. I mean yes I know ultimately what's the point, but wouldn't it just make everyone feel a little bit better? who knows, we'll see in a few months Current Location:my bed Current Mood: impressed Current Music: Rocky Raccoon - Beatles
11:50 am - hello all so this is going to be short as i only have one hand! i had my surgery all went well and now i only have use of my right hand - funfunfun. i also have the fun of taking all my finals on pain meds (except for the ones i've informed profs that i wont be taking w the class and will have to make up -errg) other than that everything is peachy keen! k thats all for now ttfn Current Location:iley passed out on my lap and maggs at my feet Current Mood: drained Current Music: classic rock
12:22 pm I just need to write this down so I can not forget it like I have the past few times. I keep having this dream but it's extremely detailed and seems to go all night (though i know that's not how the dream sequence works etc etc but so much goes on!) It starts off with some kind of natural disaster where everyone is left without anything and chaos is pretty much reigning. I find myself in a town that has been basically untouched but nobody knows what to do. they aren't going near the stores b/c they don't want to steal and they're not going in the houses b/c they're not their homes. Some of us end up organizing and we convince people to set up shelters in the houses while a party of us went to the local all inclusive store for food and supplies (which end up being pillows, luggage, and facial moisturizer - yeah i don't know what's up with that) although we were there with a purpose I was the one who wanted to go on a spree and get whatever I wanted - I was angry that I couldn't and ended up with a bottle of ckone when we returned to the houses I had been left the house that protected the neighborhood which of course was my kind of house with a lovely porch firepit/outdoor fireplace, and some kind of water feature i forget it it was a pool or just a fountain. we distributed the supplies and all was good for a short period of time but then men started raiding eachother for items I ended up taking in two of the men who ended up being young teens who were raiding just b/c they were afraid and w/out parents. there was one guy who went back to the stores alone and i somehow caught him i don't remember what exactly he was doing that was so awful but he was becoming an outcast in our society and we fought he somehow got my phone and was threatening to break it in half (oh yes despite the natural disaster we still had service - ironic really) but somehow this entire fiasco turned into us walking down the roads of our little commune talking about how life is working out here and how we were somehow in love with eachother. but here's the part that bothered me it flashed to myself returning to my house w/out him and instead w/someone from my actual life who I had sucessfully put out of my head for quite some time. he proposed for some reason and together with one of his friends they took a ring out of my fireplace and put it on my finger for some reason this was significant to them but made no sense to me since the ring was tiny and then stretched all crazy. that was basically it b/c the rest of it is just to random for me to put down but hopefully since now this is written it will stop coming back! Current Location:mi casa Current Mood: confused Current Music: the who - behind blue eyes